Oh how sweet and fair a virtuous maid
I never before did know
Of apple’d cheeks and radiant skin
As faultless as virgin snow.

‘Twas late one eve and I had drowned
Quite deep in ale too raw
When in she strode and caught all eyes
-her likes not seen before.

And at her side a fighter large
(with weapons bared) was seen
All talk and noise soon ceased to flow
In the tavern of the dragon green.

Such a pleasant sight, the lass
That up leapt good sirs three
To offer their seat to the pretty peat
In hope of her company.

As quickly as they had risen,
So they reclaimed their place
When the warrior-born’s blade was drawn
With contempt upon his face.

Like stone sat I, daring only to breathe
As the lass came to my side
And her guard spoke clear, voice like ice
“Good sir, she would be your bride.”

Up I looked, stunned and more
To the statement most obscure
She met my gaze, the wilful lass
With a look that was less than demure.

“Good miss,” I stammered, tongue arrested
“I know not who you are
and while your looks fall not on blind eyes
your demand is quite bizarre.”

She looked at me and giggled
Promptly seizing my hand
“But I know you to be brave and true;
the finest warrior in the land!”

A fair share of good deeds I’ve done
And those less so, as it were
But fain did I see my self as worthy
Of such a title bestowed by her.

“Good miss,” I said, “you are mistaken
for I fear I am quite plain.”
“Nay!” She cried, “You’re noble and wise
and I’m told a Dragon you’ve slain!”

I wanted not this youth’s attentions
-this clearly love-smitten lass
And despite best efforts to be uncouth,
Tasteless, rude, foul-tempered and crass,

I could not shake her firm resolve
And so, defeated, I yielded.
Let her have her childish dream,
For it was no great sword I wielded.

“You will not be moved, so then come close
and be the wife that you so desire,”
I said aloud and thus she came,
Eyes burning like wildfire.

A gentle kiss upon her cheek
I had wished to place
Instead of warmth, I felt only pain
As a fist soon took it’s place.

Once again, stunned was I
Lying upturned on the floor
And there was the maid beside her guard,
But not as she looked before.

No flawless skin, nor eyes star-bright
And cheeks more rotten than apple’d.
Before me stood the barman’s wife
And her husband looked more than rattled.

By shirt and collar I was pulled
Upright and to my feet.
In one fell swing I was out the door
And lying on the street.

To this day I blame the drink
For that unfortunate turn of things.
It may make lies before your eyes,
But I love the maidens it brings!